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Did some yesterday; mall almost empty at 10.00 am, all by myself, just a few people left to get for...easy-peasy, yes? No. Why? Shop assistants. All.Over.Me.
Enter shop
SA "Hello there! How are you today?" Beams brightly.
Me. Does she really care that I didn't sleep well, have that numb finger from writing lots of fic and...no, probably not. "Fine, thanks!"
SA "Wonderful; well we have lots of lovely things today...are you looking for anything in particular?"
Me. If I knew what I wanted, I wouldn't be in this place filled with weird knicknacks, I'd have bought it and been on my way home by 10.02."Just browsing." So let me do it, eh?
SA "I bet you have a lot to buy and this is such a good time to do it; nice and quiet."
Me. "Yes." Realises this sounds unfriendly. "It is, isn't it." Turns and stares hard at a rack of sandstone coasters, 4 for $24. Recoils at the price and nearly knocls over a display of scented candles.
SA "Don't they smell wonderful? My name's (something; I've tried to expunge it from my memory ) and if you need anything I'll be right here (in a shop that's the size of my family room, so it's hard to lose her.)
Me, remembering manners. "Thank you Miss X, I will" Bright smile back, must be catching.
SA2 appears from nowhere. "Hi there!"
Me. "Hi." Flat and unfriendly, starting to notice that they're between me and the door and I am the only customer in the place.
SA2 "This is your lucky day! We just got a new shipment in of some lovely items." Points to cardboard box of unpacked, unpriced items in bubblewrap. Holds up revolting wooden thing.
Me. "Isn't that cute!" Yes, I'm ashamed to admit it. I insincerely gushed.
Edge towards door, SA1 appears from behind the life sized Groovy Girls tent. "You didn't find anything?" Reproachful eyes. "Well, have a nice day." (shopping elsewhere and giving your illgotten gains to less deserving shop assistants).
Me (mentally, lowering my Santa good girl points so far into the minuses, I'm not even getting coal). "Back off, bitch!" in a low, dangerous snarl that exposes my teeth.
Me (in the real world). "And you!" (And the reindeer you rode in on).
Enter shop
SA "Hello there! How are you today?" Beams brightly.
Me. Does she really care that I didn't sleep well, have that numb finger from writing lots of fic and...no, probably not. "Fine, thanks!"
SA "Wonderful; well we have lots of lovely things today...are you looking for anything in particular?"
Me. If I knew what I wanted, I wouldn't be in this place filled with weird knicknacks, I'd have bought it and been on my way home by 10.02."Just browsing." So let me do it, eh?
SA "I bet you have a lot to buy and this is such a good time to do it; nice and quiet."
Me. "Yes." Realises this sounds unfriendly. "It is, isn't it." Turns and stares hard at a rack of sandstone coasters, 4 for $24. Recoils at the price and nearly knocls over a display of scented candles.
SA "Don't they smell wonderful? My name's (something; I've tried to expunge it from my memory ) and if you need anything I'll be right here (in a shop that's the size of my family room, so it's hard to lose her.)
Me, remembering manners. "Thank you Miss X, I will" Bright smile back, must be catching.
SA2 appears from nowhere. "Hi there!"
Me. "Hi." Flat and unfriendly, starting to notice that they're between me and the door and I am the only customer in the place.
SA2 "This is your lucky day! We just got a new shipment in of some lovely items." Points to cardboard box of unpacked, unpriced items in bubblewrap. Holds up revolting wooden thing.
Me. "Isn't that cute!" Yes, I'm ashamed to admit it. I insincerely gushed.
Edge towards door, SA1 appears from behind the life sized Groovy Girls tent. "You didn't find anything?" Reproachful eyes. "Well, have a nice day." (shopping elsewhere and giving your illgotten gains to less deserving shop assistants).
Me (mentally, lowering my Santa good girl points so far into the minuses, I'm not even getting coal). "Back off, bitch!" in a low, dangerous snarl that exposes my teeth.
Me (in the real world). "And you!" (And the reindeer you rode in on).